So frustrated!

Well this morning I decided to be proactive. I am sick of waiting for "official" autopsy results which I'm certain will NOT shed any light on Aidan's death. I am well aware of the hoops a person must jump through to obtain their personal medical records. However I hate that after just having Aidan's prepared and sernt to Chicago two months ago, I am having to jump again. So far this morning I have racked up 45 mintues of air time simply trying to get ahold of medical records and proving I have already signed and submitted a release of information. After all was said and done, I am still awaiting a return call from all three offices I so unpatiently waited on hold for.

The kicker for me this morning is that not only am I trying to get copies of Aidan's records, but that every time I am shuffled from office to office I am asked for all of his information. Date of birth, date of death (AHHHH), clinic visit dates, yada yada yada. There is only so many times I am able to relay that my son, who just days ago (or so it seems), was perfectly happy to be my partner in procrastination of cleaning, is now not here to help me find a million reasons to put off the laundry, the dishes, or the bathroom scrubbing.

While I am obviously capable of procrastinating on my own, all the fun stuff like building forts on such a rainy day, lining up the one-million cars scattered all over the house for a super speed race, and simply staying in our pj's all day don't have the same rewards.

I am reminded so often how truly lucky I am to have miss Teagan to pull me out of a funk. No rest for the weary while she's around! I have the best husband on the planet. Ryan knows when to just be next to me for support while the tears (and all the gd buggers) fall, and he knows when to be more if and when I need it. Ryan you are an the reason I find strength, I could never get by without you, love you. Even when all the snot and tears and most likely mascara are smooshed all over my face he just looks the other way.

So today's lesson for me is patience... when I am fresh out. Especially with the medical industry who seemingly failed our family. (I'm working through the bitterness!) I am well aware I am an irrational mother today, probably for the rest of my life. Just once I'd like to have all of the medical providers on the same page, and ...this is a big one...helpful and willing to go the extra mile.

I am sure that I will once again be shuffled back and forth, if and when medical records returns my call. Keep me in your thoughts so I can have the strength to not be the top story on the 5 o'clock news for mowing down their office simply with my words! After all someone has to get to the cleaning around this sty!